I feel like I should have some kind of opening sentence before I get into this but nothing brilliant comes to mind.
I've dealt with depression in various forms for pretty much my entire life, certainly entire adult life. I've talked about this at length before so I won't rehash it too much. I'll just highlight that almost everything I've done to try to combat it has failed for one reason or another...many of them just the self-fulfilling prophecy that is living with any affected ability.
One ray of hope that has remained for some time is ketamine-assisted psychotherapy, or KAP. Psychedelics showing promise in the treatment of mental illness isn't new, but it's gaining increasing access as the studies and research and science actually back it up with something resembling hard evidence rather than anecdotes and experiences. And I say something resembling because when it comes to psychiatry and psychology and mental illness, there isn't a *ton* of hard evidence to be had as everything is kinda twisty.
I'd looked into KAP a handful of years ago, but at the time it was cost-prohibitive. Being still rather experimental, and of course involving a highly restricted substance, it's rare to get insurance to pay for KAP. Some providers navigate this by getting insurance to pay for the therapy itself as normal, and direct bill for the drug. Others just don't bother trying so as to save the time and hassle. Most, from my admittedly small research, are the latter.
My depression has continued to ramp up over the time I've been out here in the world, quite contrary to my hopes and goals for the life I was striding into. It's been the right decision and I wouldn't change it (well, most of it), but it does mean that the longer I've been going, the worse I'm doing. So I decided that I'm going to return to the US, move back home for a while, and try KAP to see if it unlocks something that lets me move forward again. Every intention is to pick back up in late December. Assuming the world hasn't burned itself to the ground by then.
In the meantime, however, my limited exploration of Riga continues with this park not far from my apartment featuring a simple but cute sculpture and a dog park. On the walk back home, I passed this church, one of many in Riga. It strikes me that when the foliage is in full force, much of it would actually be obscured from the road. I also saw this in a grocery store and somehow resonate with its difficulty in defining itself. Also at the store is this different way of packaging ice cream.
The cooking adventures continue. Last week I attempted to be inspired by Cornish pasties (pronounces with the short a, like past - eez). Taking the flatbread I've been working with and adding a cooked filling of minced pork, cabbage, and potato, and wrapping it up to fry in a pan. The result was quite good and is something I'll absolutely continue experimenting with, though no single pastry can hold much filling the way I'm currently making them. I also tried making the fried chicken I learned in Vietnam, and cooked some flatbread in the same pan afterwards. Good taste, mixed results otherwise. And finally, I got some cinnamon and vanilla sugar (which I'd never heard of before, but I couldn't find actual vanilla extract) and attempted to make something akin to cinnamon rolls. Didn't turn out too well. But worth the experiment.
Speaking of experiments, my laptop stand arrived and while a little wobbly, it is so far proving to be exactly what I was looking for - namely something that can replace the full big desk that I've always had to either find, or find space for. As I may have mentioned, this also telescopes up to a height that allows me to use it as a standing desk, which might help some with my core strength and posture and so on. So far it's still an adjustment, and I've had some jobs this past week where I felt I had to play it safe and stay in my normal desk...but it's extremely promising.
I leave Latvia in mid May, as originally planned, but with a different destination. I don't know whether to expect more than one post before then, and definitely can't guess how actively I'll keep this up while in Colorado. Time will tell. Until then, I wish you all the best, dear reader.